Notes: Performed during 2003 Tours.
Lyrics vary slightly per show.
Out on the old coast highway
Flying through the night,
Jed got stopped by the CHP
For speedin' and no brake lights.
Rolled down the driver's window.
Slipped his gun down under his seat.
The glove-box was full of cocaine
The trunk was full of weed.
"Driver's license and registration,"
Said the officer with his flashlight.
Search around the floor of the car,
Smellin' like something ain't right.
Jed's life flashed before him,
Like a black and white super-8.
He heard the sound of the future
On a scratchy old 78.
Nothing was still, all was moving
When the flashlight found the gun.
Then Jed pulled the trigger.
In a split-second tragic blunder.
"It makes you think about living,
What life has to tell,"
Said Jed to Grandpa,
From inside his cell.
Camouflage hung in his closet.
Guns all over the wall.
Maps of buildings for engineers
And a book with no numbers to call.
The whole town was stunned.
They closed the Coast Highway for 12 hours.
No one could believe it,
'Cause Jed was one of ours.
Meanwhile across the ocean,
Living in the Internet,
Is the cause of an explosion
No one has heard yet.
But there's no need to worry.
There's no reason to fuss.
Just go on about your work now.
And leave the drivin' to us.
And we'll be watching you,
And everything you do.
And you can do your part
By watchin' others too.
Grandpa put down the paper,
Staring in disbelief.
Jed had always been good to him.
Never gave him any grief.
The moral of this story
Is try not to get too old.
The more time you spend on earth,
The more you see unfold.
And as an afterthought,
This must, too, be told,
Some people have taken pure bullshit
And turned it into gold.