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Grandpa's Interview

(Written: 2003)

Notes: Performed during 2003 Tours.
Lyrics vary slightly per show.

"Grandpa, here's your coffee," 
Said Edith, as she filled his cup. 
"Nobody'll find you here, 
And Earl is glad you guys showed up." 

"The way things are downtown, 
You might have to stay for awhile. 
There was a helicopter hovering over your house 
When I talked to your neighbor, Kyle." 

"Who the hell do they think they are, 
Invading our home like that? 
Grandma and I had to leave so fast, 
We couldn't even catch the cat." 

"The helicopter scared the shit out of him, 
And it took off down a trail, 
Down past the railroad tracks, 
Towards the county jail." 

"Jed, you really screwed up now! 
What did you have to do that for? 
Everybody wants to hang your ass, 
And here's a note from Lenore." 

Sun touched the cold steel bars 
As she slipped the letter in. 
Jed took it up and read it 
And he couldn't hide a grin. 

Outside the jail window 
A crow flew across the sky, 
Completely disappearing behind each bar.
Then a helicopter flew by. 

"Say hi to Earl and Edith. 
Tell'em I'm doing fine. 
Tell'em you're old enough to leave home now, 
And they ought to cut the line."

"Can Grandma come and see me? 
I got a new song to sing 
It's longer than all the others combined 
And it doesn't mean a thing."

The noise was unfamiliar.
Walkie-talkies squealing, 
Generators were running, 
Vans parked outside in the field.

TV crews and cameras, 
They wanted to interview Grandpa on the porch. 
They came through the gate and up on the lawn,
Knocking down Edith's tiki torch. 

And Grandpa saw them there, 
Looking through the venetian blind. 
"Those people don't have any respect, 
So they won't get any of mine." 

"I don't wanna talk about Jed. 
I don't watch channel 2 or 6 or 9. 
I don't have time to talk that fast, 
And it ain't my crime." 

"It ain't a privilage to be on TV.
And it ain't a duty either. 
The only good thing about TV 
Is shows like Leave it to Beaver." 

"Shows with 'Love and Affection,' 
like Mama used to say. 
A little Mayberry living 
Could go a long long way." 

Grandpa took Earl's shotgun down from the closet, 
And he loaded up both barrels. 
He went out on the porch and fired'em off, 
And up walked a woman named Carol. 

"Susan Carol from Early Magazine, 
I got some questions to ask." 
"Well you can stick'em where the sun don't shine!" 
Grandpa said with a gasp. 

Then he fell face first and let out a sigh, 
And Edith ran out in shock. 
Grandpa was looking at her from down on the floor, 
He looked like he was trying to talk. 

"That guy just keeps singin'! 
Can somebody shut him up? 
I don't know for the life of me 
Where he comes up with that stuff." 

They laid his head on a newspaper 
With a picture of Carmichael on the front page, 
Posing with the little league baseball team, 
And a seedy shot of Jed on a motorcycle. 

Grandpa died like a hero,
Fighting for freedom of silence. 
Trying to stop the media,
Trying to be anonymous. 

Share your lovin' and you live so long. 
Share your lovin' and you live so long. 
Share your lovin' and you live so long. 
Live so long.